Arranged or love, marriage is a commitment.

[mystic]

When a person tries to settle in life, he / she try level hard to find a good soul mate. Some are lucky to meet the right partner, get to know the person, eventually if the compatibility is high then even fall in love. And as the love blossoms, the couple decides to take the plunge and settle down in holy matrimony.
For others the process of meeting their ideal partner may be different. Sometimes it is through some acquaintance or relatives. Other times it may be a matrimonial column in a newspaper or a marriage bureau or in accordance to the jet set age, may be even through a matrimony web site!!(Long live computer & internet).

Whatever may be the mode of meeting your future partner, but after the actual meeting, there is always some serious thought that goes into the process of finalizing the union. How one keeps it going, is the main test of life. When we were young kids, we played with dolls and especially girls took great pride in marrying off their girl doll to another one’s boy doll. But in real life, marriage is anything but a game of dolls. It is a serious commitment to live together in peace and harmony. To love & to cherish, to stand by each other through good times and bad times and above all………to trust and respect each other, are just some basics of the institution of marriage. Honestly, how many of us truly realize this?

A person who thinks that he is fortunate to have a love match, may proved to be wrong if he/she decides to take the relationship further for granted. We see quite a few examples of love marriages gone sour and ending in bitter divorce. Remember, marriage means understanding your partner & his / her needs in full earnest and NOT to take things for granted by being unreasonable and dominating. There has to be a good and healthy dialogue between the partners to keep the relationship strong. Miscommunication or suspicion can kill a happy marriage. Learn to trust your spouse and thus gain respect, as this helps in maintaining peace and harmony at home. Every individual has some flaws or the other. Nobody is PERFECT. If we were, then we all would be gods!!! To accept your partner’s shortcomings and yet live amicably is the secret of a successful marriage.

So far as arranged or proposed matches are concerned, there is a slight apprehension about the feasibility of the match. But wonder of wonders……90% turn out to be successful unions. If we give a closer thought to this phenomenon, we may unravel a few truths about life in general. Let us get to know them to be successful life partners.
It is a common notion that “familiarity breeds contempt”. Very true!! And I suppose this is what happens in most of the love marriages which fail miserably. In a love match, the partners know each other for quite a while before they decide to live together permanently. But this process of “knowing each other” can work both ways. In some cases it helps strengthen the ties after marriage and makes it a wonderful and easy transition from single to couple status. But in other cases, the constant ‘togetherness’ before marriage begins to grow on you and you feel stifled by your partners over powering presence. The whole charm of exploring different shades of your partner’s personality is lost and you get bored, because there is nothing ‘interesting’ about your spouse anymore. Before marriage the girl who was being a meek doe, suddenly starts showing her true colors and starts dominating & bickering her mate, much to his annoyance & dislike. The end result is that the love birds of yester years become sworn enemies overnight. And before either of them realizes what is happening, they set out on different ways. Divorce can be a very painful thing, best avoided as far as possible. If you have children, then apart from your life being thrown in turmoil, you ruin your kid’s life too, by making it a victim of a broken home.

On the contrary, even if there is initial skepticism in an arranged match, there is a lot of effort that the partners put in to make it work after the union is finalized. And most of the times it pays rich dividends by making such match very successful. That is because each day is like a new adventure for the couple, trying to know more about each other and also make necessary adjustments to suit each other’s temperament. For these people, time has no limits and as the time passes the bond gets stronger and stronger. Exploring the unknown is a favorite hobby of a normal human being. And in this case, it refers to the many facets of the spouse’s personality, likes / dislikes & general mentality that is being probed & studied. Thus it holds a lot of novelty and keeps the relationship fresh and active.

We can summarize that it is not the type of union that you enter into – love or arranged – which matters. It is HOW you keep it intact. It is very easy to get married and get into a relationship, but an uphill task to make it work and sustain the test of times. Remember my friends, as said before it is not a kid’s game for fun & enjoyment. It is a lifetime of commitment to your better half. Respect it, nurture it and have fond memories for your old age. Believe me, it is worth the effort. Impulsive flings are for short time pleasure, where as holy matrimony is a treasure to cling to………eternally.

[theonlyfriend]

commitment in Marriage --either in Love or in arranged is must not one sided but both ways .
By observation many divorcee cases ....
The testing time in marriage is 1st 7 yrs. 1st 2 yrs go in adjusteing with each other + in-laws, (also in love marriage. ) ,next 2 yrs go in prgnancy / child upbringing etc... next 2 yrs in adjusting with carrier if you are wife is working , next 1 yrs for taking decision , whether we are comatible to each other or not.
if you could sustain your marriage for 7 yrs , be assured of life long commitment by your partner even if there are dispute . ppl continue for sake of children . Of course there are some exceptional cases that goes beyond our help & result into Divorce!.

[mystic]

Hi, if one needs to specify that marriage is 2 way commitment, then the whole meaning of "marital bond" is lost. When this act includes 2 partners, then it has to be a two way deal, no arguments about it.
I suppose people who do not realise this and are unaware of the true meaning of COMMITMENT, are the unfortunate ones who end up being divorcees.
Another thing is that as per your observation (probably you were thinking about the 7 year itch), let me tell you one thing, for a relationship to last, year count is futile because adjustments and compatibility has to work through the ENTIRE period of the relationship.......like....."TILL DEATH DO US PART''. If as you plan, you try to adjust in the intial 7 years and then think that you have settled in relation, then that is a big mistake.
After being married for now nearly 25 years, I can vouch that the major adjustment comes as the time passes by, and as the partners start aging.

[smartgirl]

hey mystic .,

About your comment on love marraige failing cos of familiarity breeding contempt i totally diagree..let me tell u my friend arranged marraige success rate is more cos compromise,adjusting,sacrificng is more there and happiness quotient nil..one imp fact is love marraige requires guts and an adventerous spirit and those who have that venture into it so also when the marraige fails they have the guts to come out of it and renew a new life unlike the arranged marraige lots who suffer suffer and suffer thinking it to be their destiny....

the pros of love marraige are many (lol) you know ur partner and have fallen in love with the qualities that u like in the first place unlike in arranged matches where in u are ready to be taken by surprise..if its positive no probs but some qualities which u may dread may crop up...but adjustments are imperative in any matches is what i would like to conclude it with"

[theonlyfriend]

Hi,
Let me Congragulate for your nearly 25 years of marriage.

Now when i write abt 7 yrs ..i.e only for judgement period whether both of them are adjustable to each other or not. This is the time period when you come to know abt drawbacks / weakness abt.each other. And how faryou can go in adjustments in life!
Now, allow me to explain my observation & the perspective based on 2 ways commitment in marriage , pls refer below points/ cases appeared in court for divorce ..............
1) Couple is newly married. after marrige boy tell girl that he married her out of his parents choice not by his . he loves some other girl., but couldn't go against his parents wishes ! hence after 6 months forces her to give him divorce ! Was there commitment from boy ?

2) After marriage girl finds out that boy is totally drunkerd , after a year or so.... Even he has job , he is manipulating co. funds in to heavy debts. + boys parents are blaming girl for his drinking & debts saying because she demands mor luxurous life style he went to this state! Girl ty to defend herself . but how long she will pull up? years go on .... they have child.. she thinks that now he will be normal ...but things get worse & worse... Was there commitment from boy ?

these are some examples .. there are so many , if you look around .

Also now a days in couples commitemnt is towards their affairs rather than to teir life partner thru marriages! this debate wil go on & on.. ...
If I have hurt your feeling then pls. accept my apology..

[ganga]

I believe friends the key to successful marraige is not to take your partner granted and to keep the freshness alive...Its human tendency to take each other for granted and which usually happens in arranged match as the spouse are aware that breaking a marraige is not easy..one of the success of live in relationships is that the partners dont take each other for granted as they know any one can up and go at any moment...

The freshness in a marraige or what to say newness believe me from personal experience i say as my hubby into sales and on tour the freshness is intact as in a month minimum 4 times tour is there and he comes back after 2-3 days and its really different

[smartgirl]

Arranged match is a big risk...In fact it was okay in olden times but in todays times if one marries without knowing the basic characteristics of a person then gone.....One cant believe on the friendly sweet aunt who says the guy is very sweet mild and respectful towards all....God knows he may turn out to be a closet gay.,i mean dont want to be negative but times have changed better date a person know a person and then take decision